I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
