Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
