it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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