last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
