I just pynch a tree in the face
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
