i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize