I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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