she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
