Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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