I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The Olympian is in my bed
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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