I am in a vortex of obligation.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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