yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
