no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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