It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
