So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
