I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
