I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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