oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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