the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Enjoy the penises
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
