Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
