You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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