Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize