if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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