the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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