Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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