After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
