do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
