So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I would fuck him just for his dog
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize