I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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