my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
