I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
