I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
