Tell her she can't have a vagina
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
