I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
