Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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