I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
