Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
