In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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