dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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