life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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