Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
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