upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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