Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
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