I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
