girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
