If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
