I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
