i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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