You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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