She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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