it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
