forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
