i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize