this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
