the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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