he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
