Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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