toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
