You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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