1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
