Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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