Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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