And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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