You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize