i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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